The U14’s rounders team had a reclusively successful season this year . Well with the likes of Rachael "Chopper" Harris Candlewick and Colin "Bomber" Harris Fucks (a surprise signing for 7 million tubs of lard from the kitchen squid. ).

This season was filled with controversy , after a series of viciously dubious refereeing decisions and a long battle in the highest court in the land which included some of the greatest legal minds of our time led to a prison sentence of gargantuan proportions for Laura Crossland , sister of the international canoeing ace , Woosy Von Crossland .

There were also problems in the selection process similar to those seen in the national cricket squid , the coach knew absolutely nothing about the game , this was made obvious with the absence of Town "The Cat" Chin , who despite a lack of chin is considered to be the world’s finest third post and fittest bird , the coach is a fool and a cunt , not to mention a fucker who should be hanged , drawn and quartered at dawn in front of the whole school .

Shock news , the afro-mentioned coach was seen entering the Central Clinic at Lynwood , The Firs , Bowdon , Cheshire , WA14 2TQ , Telephone 0161-928-3255 . Reliable sources have informed us that the problem is not impotence , merely premature ejaculation , a problem many gimps know well .

We would like to take this opportunity to let the public know what a twat the coach is and how this person , who will remain unnamed , has been charged with and convicted of shoplifting on numerous occasions .

By far the most outstanding of the matches played by the U14’s was the 19.5 – 15 win against the spawn of Satan , I mean St. Peters . The match was played with a very friendly atmosphere , a ball and several bats . there were only five sending off’s for Giggleswick and one conviction for manslaughter , or was it little girl slaughter ? Anyway , after taking an early lead off a passing dog , the match started to burn with a green flame and a chicken was sacrificed to Slazenger the God of Rounders . Then the scoring , rape and mutilation began in earnest . Ten minutes later the Spawn of Satan had been vanquished . The triumphant infants retired to the local and with a cry of " A keg of your finest ale and three quarters of a dozen tankards , stout yeoman of the bar ! " got well and truly pissed .

John Lowe
Russell Yeadon
Andrew Carmichael
(the team’s biggest fans)